top ten things i learn in college

"Beauty fades, dumb is forever" reads the title. Amusing what you find on the clearance shelf at half price books. Author? Judge Judy. Explains it all. Yeah, start rolling your eyes, but she's right, isn't she? I gave up my last few prime modeling years to be in class with an army of sorostitutes, pimpled computer geeks, and dirty beer-stained frat boys. I still remember the long, tedious hours of doing math homework on the floor of my college boyfriend's room, and thinking how cool his special edition semi-frosted silver T1-86 was. I wanted one.

Wait, back up...what? I left fashion shoots in bank vaults, photo op in the glossy "what's going on" section of Harper's Bazaar, and free clothes to wanting a calculator? (but it was special edition...) BUT IT'S A CALCULATOR. Special edition Fendi spybag, okay. Special edition TI-86, where you still can't figure out the graphing function, yet alone doing discounts, NO. What the hell was I thinking?

So this is what this blog post is about: what did I gain from going to school instead of continuing down the modeling road? How will I apply the skills I learned in business school to position myself for what I want in my future?

Let's start with economics, and a bit of accounting. What would the opportunity cost of NOT going to college be? We could do complicated future cash flows on aggregate salaries of college grads in my field to come up with a number, and compare that to how much I would have made modeling in the same time frame. Yet, as I learned in business school, numbers can be distorted and bent, there is a very grey area in numbers (it's called accounting). We learned that a great asset a company possesses is its brand value, yet it cannot be accounted for on the balance sheet. This is the same way that my GPA, CV and and other quantitative metrics can't represent the synergy of ME, Inc.

Oh finance. I had a wonderful finance tutor who was so passionate about the subject. He tried so hard to enlighten me on the graces of CAPM, mortgage rates that had balloons and arms, two, four, eight of them, like Shiva...and all sorts of other weird things, hoping that I would see the light. We locked ourselves in the dungeons of underground Balmer (business school building) like passionate secret lovers might, but the only love affair I had was trashing aside my finance book to proclaim my undying love for his marketing book. So... let's look at me as a portfolio, a collection of investments. Beauty, I found out, is a exponentially depreciating asset. Not a great investment, if it is your only one. In finance we learn that increasing your return on an investment is safest when you do three things: diversify, diversify, diversify! The rationale behind this is that a portfolio of different kinds of investments will, on average, yield higher returns and pose a lower risk than any individual investment found within the portfolio. So a woman who is diversified is what men call "the whole package." So I decided to diversify into my brain.

So four years and $40,000 of mostly YOUR tax dollars later, what did I learn?
Here is my top ten list of what I learned in college:

10. We won the citizenship lottery

Fellow students in one class presented on Nike one day, and handed each of us an envelope. In mine was 32 cents, and a piece of paper that read:
"My name is Santi. I live in Indonesia. I work at the nike factory and make 32 cents a day. " I sat there with the 32 cents in my hand and completely broke down, right there in class. I easily could have been Santi had my father not been American. Here I was sitting at a university, tuition and expenses paid for by taxpayers and sometimes feeling like life was unkind. I am blessed. I am damn lucky. So my goal now? do something for women like Santi.

9. Always put things into perspective

The previous pearl of wisdom directly relates to this one. Everything is relative to something else. There is no single way of looking at things, and if you look at things in perspective, you might not worry as much. For example, the stress of operations management and so boring. I never learned anything in class. So I stopped going to class, read the book and crammed like a crayon for the final. Perspective? 4 credits out of 200+. don't sweat the small stuff.

8. Beauty can only take you so far

Ever taken a final from hell? The hardest son of a bitch final that ( i quote from a classmate), "you check to see if your balls are still attached as you leave" kind of final? Dean Sefcik would have that honor.Walking into his accounting final was what i think walking into the bowels of hell would be like. It was the first time I walked in somewhere and thought, wow. For the first time in a long time, the way i look, the way i present myself will take me nowhere. The only thing i have to get me through this is the squishy material between my ears. I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but this was a revelation to me. I had finally learned again, to use my brain.
P.s. hard finals usually mean damn good teachers. Dean Sefcik is among the elite, and one of the best teachers I've ever had. Find those hard professors. They will push you and mold you into grand things you never could even imagine you could be. Don't ever let schooling get in the way of you education, go for the hard class with a lower grade. Once you're out of school, you wont remember what grades you got, let alone care. Promise.

7. Don't forget to talk to yourself once in a while

Ever been in one of those classes where you don't know the name of the person sitting next to you, and it's already a week from the final? The failure to communicate is even greater than ever now that we don't even communicate with the most important person: ourselves. In the acting series at the drama school (if you are still in school, take it) We would do exercises where we would ask, "hey Danielle, this is yourself speaking. How are you doing today? How are you feeling?". As we all embark into work life, being lured by money and expense accounts, frequent flier programs and hotel points, don't forget to truly sit down and ask yourself what you're feeling, and what your heart really wants.

6.Seek only the best

Don't ever start at mediocre, or half way...it's easier staying at the top than it is getting there, so never settle. Go for gold. Never settle.

5. You will use calculus again at some point in your life

Maybe not actually perform calc, but the general understanding of how it works and how to apply it to certain situations is helpful, especially stats. Even in economics. If all else fails, you can use it at the bar in a knowledge contest against bankers who think you're stupid. Ask them for the derivative of 2x^3. I did this in London. Hysterical.

4. Become the man of your dreams

There is something called the cinderella syndrome, the feeling that a woman is so stuck (in her life, situation, position) that women yearn to be rescued (emotionally, financially) by a man. Men, friends, family, even yourself will at one point or another disapoint you, but I learned that there is a lot of goodness in people, and most importantly in myself. In the end, only I can rely on myself to be happy, to provide shelter, to feed myself, to make a difference in my life. Rescue yourself, doesn't mean that your hero won't come along. He will. But until then and even AFTER then, live your life.

3. Read.

Tim Ferris, of 4 hour work week fame spoke about a student who wrote for advice from Warren Buffet. He wrote back: "read, read, read". Reading extends your ability to think dynamically and expands your depth. I am a different woman because of books like The power of Now, The Prophet, Gourmet Nutrition. Go to a used bookstore. Breathe in the wisdom.

2. Travel.

I thought I was well traveled before I went to college. I was well jetsetted...but not traveled. I went to Cyprus for a program with the American University of Beirut and American University of Cairo, and two weeks of intense debate and study on the tension of US and Arab identity later, I had chemically reacted to be someone completely different. I am now part Lebanese and part Eygptian. GO travel, but travel to learn...plan to learn something!


1. Be passionate about what you do in life

You live once. I know there is an economic crisis going on..but this is good, turmoil is good because it will and has shaken us up to think what is really important! Shake yourselves of the golden handcuffs and when you wean yourself off the desperate thoughts of losing that much money, think... well, now what? What do i really really want to do in life? This is my chance. Go. Play. Fall in love, make that dream bakery, go become a salsa nut in Argentina. GO GO GO!!! Your life awaits you.


And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- President Abraham Lincoln

all you need is love

There are some stories that rip down through you to the core of your soul. This is one I heard last night at a seminar I went to, and I had to share with all of you.

The man who told it is Mat Boggs, who for six years went around the country interviewing couples who have been (happily) married for 40+ years. Inspired by the love of his grandparents for each other... he went to seek what makes love continually grow.

One woman's husband was terminally ill. They had been married for 55 years or so. During their marriage they used to write little notes to each other and hide them around the house. He would write one "i miss you" and put it in a cupboard. Months later she would find it, and write one back: "thinking about you" and put them in his sweater drawer, in the mid of summer. Fall would come before he found it.

They always went to bed at the same time. As he got sicker, he would start to go to bed earlier and earlier, to the point he was crawling into bed at 4:30. He would always ask her to come to bed with him. After a while she got a bit frutrated because she would be half way through her day. So she would lay with him and hold him till he fell asleep, then get up and finish her day.

He got sicker and sicker, till one day she was laying there holding him, and slowly felt his breathing go slower and slower, until it stopped. The love of her life died there in her arms, slowly, as each breath took him from this realm into the next. She laid there sobbing and holding him, holding him so that she would never forget what it felt like...

She said that the those 60 yeas went by so fast. All she wished for was one last chance to feel that again, to feel him there. The average life span of a human is 77 years. That's it. 77 thanksgivings, 77 birthdays, 77 hari rayas, eids, life is finite.

She went through her drawers to put on something, and she felt a piece of paper.
He had, in his terminal illness and failing health, got up and in shaky writing, wrote on a note:

love you

that is the note that you see above.

Their love spreads across from this world to the next.




Love is transcendent across all relationships... breathe that into your lives.
here is a list of the love I see, and what sticks by me:

Grandpa & Grandma: I often think of the many times I watched you both dance in your kitchen. Your love is an inspiration to me.

Mama and Papa Townsend: Mama T lost her diamond bracelet, and Papa T made an appt to replace that one

Mom and Dad Demarest: Jan dropping his clothes out the window to hint that he needs to put it into the hamper LOL

Mak and Ayah: love note Ayah wrote on a record, "I'm in love i'm in love" sent it from london

Mr. and Mrs. Hamid: arranged marriage, and grew to fall in love with each other

Jay and Fernanda: Jay running home to be there to share Fernanda's first snowfall(she's brazilian)

Jovi and Jorg: met and flew back and forth between germany and london. getting married in july!

Estelle (my sister) and Teo: fixed her car when the starter was broken, used to push it to start it for her. Both very young but mature and loving in their relationship

Riani (twin) and Julien: He let her get pet turtles to put in their garden in a highrise...to have one of them die a horrible death of getting stuck in an elevator door. My sister is still traumatized.

Mr. and Mrs. Reyes: you did everything together, watching you when i grew up was a very positive message.

Nenek (my indo grandma): hasn't remarried to keep the honor of her husband's name for her children. Still cuts chicken on the floor with a machete. My Grandfather died many years ago.

Ujing Butet and Uncle DB: uncle DB, when we were cooking and messed up the pressure cooker, your main concern was that Ujing didn't burn herself, and not that we were destroying the kitchen with hot oil and meat flying everywhere.

Uncle Steve and Tante Ruby: you both love so much, not just to each other, to long lost daughters of old friends. Watching you juggle an odd work schedule, children, and have you tante ruby tell me stories till late morning about what you and my parents did when i was too young to know (complete with sound effects and dance moves) will stay with me.

Cookie and Micah: he makes recipe manuals for her since she loves to bake bread.

Trish and Tony: your patience with each other is amazing.

Sarah and Chris Couhault: You probably barely remember me, but i remember you Chris piggy backing sarah back in highschool in Jakarta. I remember thinking, that is what love should be.

Mama Panda and Poppa Panda: mama P, you sat at the window with me while watching your husband sift through the dirt, telling me about how you read sifting soil will make growing near impossible... you just let him be.

Mama and Papa Roo: You are so supportive of each other, love so much.

MOM and DAD: they aren't together anymore, but my childhood was filled with so much love. When we moved to Indonesia, my father kept going to go buy plants because my mom liked to garden. Our back patio looked like a jungle. My mom used to spend so much time and care to MAKE cereal that my dad liked....from scratch, the same way his mom made it for him.

Love is beyond relationships. Give it to everyone. Spread it.

GO LOVE TODAY.

Hari Raya: the day of forgiving

Forget Christmas, and the morning of waking up excited for material gain, still drunk on eggnog from the night before. Okay, I take that back. The Townsends (sans extra h) have taken us in for years now and shown us the true spirit of Christianity: sharing their love and family with us less fortunate to have our own home base here in Seattle. I love them for that. And the cinnamon buns.

But what about my religion? Islam, the beautiful faith i grew up with that got a bad rep? Ramadan, the month of fasting came to me on a Magellan type day in London: I went exploring. Did i wake for Sahur and eat? No, of course not. My poor host, Caroline thought I would pass out. I spent the day dozing under a tree in Hyde park, before walking around for six hours. Where did I decide to go? Of course Harrod's, to see if the urban legend of a Krispy Kreme in their basement was true (it was). Also to Fortnum and Mason to pick up special jam for a brilliant, yet eccentric UW professor. Label reads: lovely with hot buttered toast. Dude anything tastes good with hot buttered toast. You have to put it on the direction label?

But I made it through, and broke fast and prayed at a grand masjid near an old friend Alex's house in Saint John's Wood. Back stateside, I celebrated actual Eid on Wednesday with all the lovely ladies of the University of Washington Muslim Student Association. My uncle was out of town and therefore in true family spirit, my aunt postponed Eid for his return.

So saturday night, I gathered the troupes to march through the gates of food heaven: a house in West Seattle where the wafts of food coming from the kitchen called to us like the melody of the piped piper. RENDANG!!!! WE ARE COMING!!!!

There are three essential F's to a Hari Raya gathering: family, food, and forgiveness.

Family was in abundance, even the adopted bestfriend type. If you lack in numbers, then invest in bestfriends like Steve, a.k.a Panda, who in his households accounts himself for THREE PEOPLE when figuring finances for food for the house. Always come to a muslim house with someone who can eat, to please the host.

Food, oh glorious food. My aunt wasn't ready when we arrived, and jetted off to the bathroom to shower. I took charge of the Lumpia, lovely spring rolls with meat, potatoes and yumminess. Eh hem, my folding technique is expert, I promise you, but I decided to make them all different shapes and sizes, and even fry them so they were in a multitude of color...white, slightly beige, tanned... and BROWN. This was my interpretation of our diverse demographic. I have a lovely bunch of
lum-pee-yahhhhhh...did la dee dee.. there they are all standing in a row....bump bump bump! fat ones, skinny ones, some as big as your head!

Food down, a cup of coffee to prevent comatose later...we come to the most important part of the night, the last F...forgiveness.

This more of an Indonesian/ Malaysian tradition than a global islamic one...though islam spread the world of tolerance and forgiveness. In our family, we get around in a circle and each member of the family, from youngest to oldest, asks for forgiveness from each other. Here is a photo of my little sister and I embracing and asking for forgiveness for all our wrong doings in the past year. At times like this when you sister cries with you, it is not the fights and the diagreements that you remember. You remember the times when she drove you around like ms.daisy, or when she bought you a new camera because your old one died, or single-handedly sorted out your graduation party because you were too stressed to even think about it. You remember the love and caring behind the tough words on the importance of choosing good friends, and the get better cards and balloons on the countless times you're sick in one year. Asking for forgiveness is also expressing your gratitude, knowing that everything your little sister does for you and herself comes from the heart. Nothing else. Then there is my twin sister who this past year flew half way across the world for me in my dire time of need, who cleaned up the mess I made after throwing my potted plant across the room in frustration at life. I am technically the eldest of three, but always feel like the youngest because it is my two big sisters who always are there to literally pick up the pieces...big as life. Riani, Estelle, you are my life. My everything. I love you both.

Selamat hari raya everyone.

Ode to friendship

The last week of classes are drawing to a close, and i have my first final on Saturday. Looking back at to what was probably the hardest few months of my life, I realize that I have been given the events in my life for a reason, as my good friend BJ wrote:

You are loved and honored for the beautiful person you are. I know things have not been easy and I know that there are choices that are made that will stick with you for a lifetime but honestly there are the tough choices we make that strengthen us and teach us who we want to be. When we ask the higher power for strength he will not give us the easy road.. he will give us the difficult road that shows us how to be strong. When we ask for peace, he does not give us tranquility, he gives us a battle in which we must find peace within us. When we ask for forgiveness, it's not because we've taken perfect steps in life, it's because we've wandered from the path and treaded on sacred ground. When we ask for love, he shows us hatred so that we may truly know what love is when we get it. We learn nothing from an easy life, those that face challenges and learn from them and the ones that are equipped to make the difficult choices in life. You lead a tremendous life and give so much to those around you. You are loved on this day as you were loved the last.

Thank you, to all of you who have been there with me through this journey. Thank you for showing me what love is, thank you for the honor of your friendship. To one: thank you for showing how me to love again. I bleed joyfully and willingly.

Take this video with you, give it time to load as it is chok full of life. The life you have brought to me.
I love you all,
Danielle

finding beauty

I realize that I can deal with the cold. As long as it is a brilliantly clear day with sunshine and clear skies, I don't mind. This was the reality of a few mondays ago. A good friend of mine Panda Bear (also less known as Steve) calls me to ask what my plans are for this beautiful day, which is a holiday none the less. Off to Agua verde for some lunch in a colored greenroom where we are sucking in sunlight like orchid plants. Halfway through lunch Capt. Roo (also less known as Andy) and Riani call to ask us to come on a ferry ride to Bainbridge island. Oh....p.s, it leaves at 3, and yes, it is 2:40. It's shovel time at this zoo, as a mad mouth stuffing of fish tacos and a race to the piers renders us defeated as the ferry pulls away. We didn't want to go on a stupid ferry ride anyway. So....off to what we REALLY want to see...the olympic sculpture park.

We ventured to the SAM (seattle art museum) Olympic sculpture park, braving the sub-arctic temperatures. No worries, my undefeated zeal for life and art at the moment races me through the park like a kid hungrily eating cold watermelon after a hot day of playing soccer: I can't get enough. The beautiful puget sound is stained with the mountains in the back -ground, absolutely stunning. Panda refers to this photo as his favorite, not because of the photo but the sequence in his memory of me running down the beach, stopping to kick my shoes off, running more...climbing through the rocks to get to the place I stand. Mind you, it was almost cold enough to snow. If you look close enough, i got about a foot of air off the rock i jumped off. Sweet.

One of my favorite pieces at the park is called the wake. A beautiful piece by Richard Serra (2004, Overall installation: 14' x 125' x 46'). Coming up to view, the five strong steel structured looked like a relic school of battleships, or the tidal waves coming in.














The Sam says: "For Richard Serra, space is a substance as tangible as sculpture. He uses materials and scale to alter perception and to engage the body, encouraging consciousness of our relation to space. The towering, curved-steel forms of Wake were achieved with computer imaging and machines that manufacture ship hulls, including a demilitarized machine that once made French nuclear submarines. Wake is composed of five identical modules, each with two S-shaped sections positioned in inverted relation to one another—gently curving serpentines of convex and concave parts that suggest tidal waves or profiles of battleships. The surface of acid-washed, weatherproof steel reinforces this industrial effect. Wake's powerful silhouette belies a complex configuration of parts; the whole cannot be known at once, but can only be experienced with movement and in time."

It is the coolest piece you'll ever see, fun to play tag in, to run around and feel like you are a part of the piece, as you can see from the video of me acting like i'm five. When did it become not ladylike and grown up to run around and feel the earth around you, and to interact with the space that surrounds you? Here in America we worry about our stock options, about the direction of our economy (yes i am worried too), but we have failed to remember the grander things in life, like play. Like grass stains, like playing hide and seek with yourself. I lived in this moment.

The park opened last year as an extension of the 75th anniversary of the SAM and it's new collections. At least i think so. The Olympic Sculpture Park transforms a nine- acre industrial site into open and vibrant green space for art.
Pulling away from the park, i took this photo of the same piece i looked through when walking down the path. It is called cloud cover, a piece with tiny holes through it, where you could see the landscape of Seattle. From a distance you can see the sunset catch up on the piece that literally transcends across the highway. It is quite stunning to drive by.

As we made our way back up to the car, we hit this piece. It is a beautiful stunning tree, which looks normal here in midwinter, except for it is a piece of art, made out of steel. You can see the welding in the trunk, and the glimmer of sunlight hitting off of it.
This brings me to question, what is art? The first and broadest sense of art is the one that has remained closest to the older Latin meaning, which roughly translates to "skill" or "craft," and also from an indo-european meaning "arrangement" or "to arrange"(wikipedia).

Art to me, is anything beautiful that brings me unconditional happiness. Being a part of it, with it, makes me happy. Without having to promise dinner, without thinking am i good enough for it, without thinking. I just am happy. We can learn a thing or two about ourselves from art, like the fact art is in the word eARTh. Look around you. You can find happiness in everything around you, we just have to look and listen.

terms of endearment

I have been called many, many things in my life. I have e been called a wild orchid that yet has to be tamed. I have been coined sugarbowl by my grandmother after a little cute teapot twisted story that Natalie Hannaford introduced to me. Sky girl was my first screen name on the internet. My nickname in basketball was bigmama.

Recently I have achieved two new identities...both of which i had to have explained to me.
McCall, my lovely neighbour jokingly called me heffer. Which is best described in the picture to the left. Quite a lovely photo.

The other one is an angler fish, named to me by my darling twin sister. (Ria you know what this says about you, right?) A angler fish is an evil lurking fish that dwells in the deep lairs of the ocean, with a lure hanging infront of its mouth. (see photo to the right)

Do I take offence? Of course not, both animals here have such great character that make me laugh hysterically. But maybe a more important lesson could be learned here..

What is in a name? What does it signify about us? I remember my father once telling me that even if Riani and I were switched by birth, and I was given the name Riani, I would still be the same person. I would still be me. I would still be a heffer-fish.

What is important here about names is that we allow it to limit us. We are afraid of them (he would cannot be named in Harry Potter), we use them against each other (them, us), we even label each other as to hurt each other. Even names such as old, thin, fat, young, naive, these all limit us to realize what potential we can see in others. What does a name hold? As said by Juliet:

Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

So what is your name? What holds it true? what backbone have you given your name? What vault of gold do you have to verify the currency of your name? We all have names, but it should all be spelt in one way....L.O.V.E.

The Alchemy of Life

There are times when God comes down and causes an apocalypse...ending widespread pain and brings such bright, amazing light that all you can do is let this light consume you. We hear about it in our Qu'Rans, Bibles and Torahs, as well as on the news and in popular movies.

Now I've been through, let's say a little soul searching era of my life, and I was at the darkest place I've ever been. So I thought to call on the powers of heavens for another apocalypse, help heal and end this pain. AND, none of this fluffy interpretation crap, I want hard scientific proof.

So God, being the kind loving fella He is, got me going on a little search for the truth.

Today was the first day of school, and i ran into a phd bioengineer friend, randomly...and we got talking about atoms. We got on the subject of electron shells, because i was looking at a molecule structure at his lab. He said that the white bubbles would probably be hydrogen binding to an atom because in the loss of an electron, hydrogen would bind to the atom.

I argued that there were already eight electrons in that last shell, so there shouldn't be a hydrogen....because atoms have a electron shells that were in a 2-8-8 formation...two electrons in the firstshell, and eight for each shell thereafter. (remembering this from middle school!) I looked it up tonight, and we were both wrong. it's highly complex.

The most amazing thing i realized in my readings was:

Most of the physical and chemical properties of atoms, and hence of all matter, are determined by the nature of the electron cloud enclosing the nucleus. The nucleus of an atom, with its positive electric charge, attracts negatively charged electrons. This attraction is largely responsible for holding the atom together.


if i read correctly...it is attraction of the nucleus and the electrons that holds the atom together.
attraction: the process of drawing one body toward another.

you could argue that attraction is a byproduct of love of the highest form. Just as this force brings us together, somehow at 5am. I could be a negative electron whizzing around in space, and feeling your force, draws me in.I stabilize you. You in turn, make me whole, make me an important part of the fundamentals of our existence.

We can apply this theory to relationships. Either two people attract each other because they bring different elements to the bond, or there is something out of balance...an extra electron here...which causes a reaction to occur for that electron to go off into the world until it
meets the right nucleus that needs it to be balanced, to be neutral. The split causes a great amount of energy, but it the greater scheme of things, it balances things out.

There is negative everywhere. Without it there would be no positive. Without the both working together, there would be NO LIFE. Attraction holds us together.
Love. it is love....love in its purest, smallest form.
Love is all we need by the beatles is ringing in my head right now.

it is this very force which holds the world together, the entire universe. without it, the universe would cease to exist. oh my god that is such a huge concept.

all i had to do was look inward, to the smallest part of me for the simplest answer,but this answer...is the answer to the most complex ideals. We are all one.

apocalypse means unlifting of the veil, of god coming down and showing us the heavens, to end all pain we know. To end suffering.

When i asked God for this, what i meant was for Him to...i dont know. Not this.
Instead, he showed me the heavens, and everything I could possibly be, and beyond.

Bring love into your lives, and to everyone you meet, because it is love that brings us together.

Love you all, Danielle